Falling in Love (or How I know I am a genius) (part 2)

Part 1 here.

I arrived at the first workshop at 10am, ready for them to be over before they even started. I just had to get to 5pm when they both wrapped up. I put my mind to doing the workshops and not watching the clock. But then a strange thing happened.

This guy I know from the improv scene walked into the workshop. I had chatted with him before at a mutual friends birthday party and thought he was a funny guy. I also happened to think he was mega good-looking. I felt a small flutter in my chest when he walked through the door but I blinked it away. After the mutual friends birthday party I had attempted to hang with him and it didn’t happen. Cute guy wasn’t interested in me and I had a hot date later that night to occupy my thoughts.

The amazing thing about improv is it forces you to be present, to be in the moment, and not thinking ahead or behind. As a result, the day was flying by. The only time it slowed to a crawl, like slow motion replay, was when the cute guy and I walked out on stage at the same time and had to improvise a scene together. I am not sure how that happened. If he saw me walk out and followed suit or if I saw him move first. Either way, we were on stage together and had to create something together from nothing.

I know, I know, I didn’t warn you that improv could be so erotic, but consider yourself warned. It was a slow motion Fabio, I Can’t Believe it’s Not Butter, sort of moment.

We were on stage together. In a flash I grabbed a chair, sat in it, and pulled the cute guy onto my lap. I instantly got a lady boner.  It wasn’t a thought out motion or a plan on my part. It was improvised. In the heat of the moment. A dramatic choice I made as an actor. It was my muse inspiring me. It was planets aligning a certain way. It was all the sex thoughts I had in the back of my brain. It was… ok, so maybe he was a cute guy and my loins took over for a minute. IT HAD BEEN 14 MONTHS. So sue me. *eye roll* *eye roll*

lady boner

We end up improvising a scene where I played his Aunt (by marriage) giving him driving lessons. I was forcing him to learn to drive by sitting on my lap. He ends the scene by asking me to get in the back seat with him. We get a laugh and the scene is wiped from the stage. Well, that was fun! He sure was supportive on stage and I liked being so close to him. I brush it off and get back into the present moment.

You guys, I remember the details from that scene better than I remember what I ate for lunch 10 minutes ago.

Finally!! 5pm rolls around. The workshops are over. Whew! I survived! The cute guy comes over and says “I think everyone is going next door for a drink, wanna go?” I say “Sure!” I knew I had an hour before my date. I also liked the idea of using the bigger bathroom that was in the restaurant next door to get changed and ready. File this under things women think about: is the bathroom clean? should I grab napkins from the bar in case there is no tp? Is the bathroom large enough for me to perform The Waltz of the Snowflake from The Nutcracker in?

We head next door and the group grabs a large table while I head right to the bathroom. I felt like Pigpen, with a cloud of dust cascading from my bits and out my pants leg. If I sneezed an eraser would probably fall out. I clean up and change into my pretty skivvies. Ahh, that is better. I can not believe I am finally going to have sex tonight.

I come out of the bathroom and join the group. Cute guy and I are at the end of the table. I was nervous thinking about all the banging I was gonna do later that night. (File this under things women think about.) I didn’t want to drink or eat. I just sat there, feeling all fluttery. The conversation was easy though. I was laughing a lot. “Man, he sure is cute”, I thought.

My date calls. He is in the neighborhood and, because it is raining out, suggest we grab a beer where I am while we wait for the rain to slow down. My hands are sticky with nerves as I agree.

He shows up at the restaurant. I say bye to everyone, leave the table and head to the bar with my date. We have a couple of drinks as we wait for the rain to stop. Alcohol isn’t helping me to calm down. I am pretty sure I am playing it cool on the outside but on the inside I am a jello mold.

Notice how my bra and jello match?
Notice how my bra and jello match?


Just before we leave to head to dinner I decide to use the big, clean, waltzable bathroom one last time. As I exit the lady’s room, cute guy is on his way into the mens room.

Him: How’s the date going?

Me: Super. Like, so good.

Him: That’s great! There is a quick pause before he winks and says “It won’t last.”

Oh! Was cute guy flirting with me? I felt another little flutter as I laughed off his comment and shook like a bowl of jello back to my date. We leave and head to dinner.

From here on out, it felt so rushed.  I don’t know what we talked about at dinner. I don’t know what we ate or even where we ate. I had barely finished a couple bites of food and a sip of wine before he was calling an uber to pick us up and take us to his place. It was maybe 30 minutes total. I don’t know, maybe it just felt that way b/c I had nerves and was anticipating being at his place.

Enjoy your meal, said the waiter. You ready to roll? said my date.
Enjoy your meal, said the waiter. You ready to roll? said my date.

I don’t remember even leaving dinner. I just remember the jello turning into a rock in my stomach. What was going to happen? I mean, emotionally was I ready for this? Oh my God. What if I cry? I mean this is a real possibility. I might CRY. DURING SEX.  Not only is it likely to be painful but, up until now, dating has been just fun. Was I ready for more? There is no way to test this other than jumping in and seeing how it feels. (File this under things women think about. Crying during sex)

We get to his place and it is a complete and total disaster. I mean, nightmare upon nightmare. So. Bad. The literal worst. I mean, if it didn’t happen to me I’d say it isn’t possible that what happens next is real life, especially not after 14 months of celibacy.

To Be Continued

Part 3 here


4 Comments on Falling in Love (or How I know I am a genius) (part 2)

  1. Patrick Hennessy
    February 19, 2016 at 3:42 pm (8 years ago)

    Fantastic Joanna very entertaining!

    • Joanna
      February 22, 2016 at 2:02 am (8 years ago)

      Thank you!!

  2. Nancy
    February 20, 2016 at 5:07 pm (8 years ago)

    OMG you are such a good writer I don’t want to wait for the next installment , did you hear me ? I DONT WANT TO WAIT.

    • Joanna
      February 22, 2016 at 1:55 am (8 years ago)

      Thank you Nancy! What a compliment!!!! I don’t want to wait either, it’s coming super soon!


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