Just the “Dating” Tip – Oral Hygiene

Oral Hygiene

This is a big one for me. Dudes, you have to do more than brush your teeth and floss. Although lately I feel as though if you are doing both of those things at least twice a day you are already doing more than most of your gender. HOWEVER, YOU MUST GO TO THE DENTIST for regular cleanings. This means twice a year a professional puts their gloved hand into your mouth and cleans that sucker out like a clogged drain, because essentially that is what it is. *pukes* You know what I am talking about, right? The cleaning where they basically pressure wash your teeth and gums, descaling them like a hot water pipe, removing the plaque icebergs from your grill. They have tools, like small machetes and baby ice picks that are totally terrifying but they scrape, clean and polish your teeth which makes your mouth look good. But more importantly, it makes your mouth SMELL good better.

I can’t take it. Really. I can’t. The amount of men that I talk to that just have the rankest mouths on the planet. This does not inspire me to want to kiss you, much less stand in front of you & talk with you, much much less be in the same room as you sharing the same ass air that your mouth is producing. I want to start a mobile dating app like tinder, but only for people that visit the dentist regularly. Your profile will contain your recent bitewing x-rays and a photo of your dentist giving the thumbs up sign.  Otherwise I talk to you via chat or text or whatever and I don’t know until I meet you that your mouth smells like you were eating cockroaches.

The take away? Mouths are hot and wet and gross breeding grounds for bacteria — rotting, decaying, disgusting bacteria.  You should probably go brush your teeth right now. I’ll wait. Also, take note and have a toothbrush, toothpaste and dental floss in your car or on your person pretty much at all times. At least until we get to the point that I love you so much that your coffee breath is ok with me. Even then, a clean mouth is pretty effin’ important. Disinfect that sucka from time to time. Go to the dentist. It is nice to be able to run your tongue over your teeth and actually feel teeth and not fuzzy little sweaters.

Got it?


Have a familiar story to share? A dating tip I should write about? A thought about this tip? Men, something us ladies need advice on? Spill it in the comments below.  


3 Comments on Just the “Dating” Tip – Oral Hygiene

  1. Joanna's Bro
    March 15, 2014 at 2:24 am (10 years ago)

    Whoa whoa whoa, Hold it right there. Some of those bacteria are useful. In fact, I bet those bacteria are the only things fending off or at least competitively inhibiting the petri dish the men you kiss are exposed too when you slip them the tongue. Furthermore, for someone SO sensitive to smells and odor you should really re-think your diet. Love ya!

  2. Joanna
    March 15, 2014 at 2:29 am (10 years ago)

    Michael. Stop picking on me. I am not kissing ANYONE these days so whadda you know with your fancy pants living way out over on the other coast. Furthermore, go get your own blog. Love you!

  3. Sara
    March 16, 2014 at 8:51 pm (10 years ago)

    We really need all men to know about this. Please be our “men need to prioritize their oral hygene” ambassador.


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