The other day I decided to peruse match.com, looking at all the pictures of people that met my search requirements as I thought about joining. I took a peek at their profiles, not to get to know them better but to get an idea of the questions I would have to answer if I ever set up a profile. I thought “Uuuuccccckkhurheujdkjdnkjfckk, this looks like too much damn work. All these dumb fields to fill out?” Uggggh. I sighed and closed the laptop.
I went back to it a few days later, looking at photos, reading profiles and still feeling as though I didn’t want to answer these questions about myself. I don’t think you really can talk about yourself in a way that accurately reflects who you are. If I write about meditating and being focused on the present moment, how Eckhart Tolle is someone I read frequently I sound like some New Age weirdo. If I write about improv it sounds uber nerdy. (I am a huge nerd but they can’t know that immediately!) If I write about traveling I sound like everyone else. If I try to just write as me it comes out all weird. Here is the truth and the bush I am beating around, in my mind I literally wrote a paragraph about macaroni and cheese in my profile. It went something like this:
I own my own small business in Washington, DC and love love love love to travel. I also really love macaroni & cheese but I am American so I think that is in our DNA. Not macaroni and cheese in our DNA, that would be gross, but the love for it is totally genetically coded in us.
I mean, seriously Joanna?
Today I decided that my dating pool just isn’t large enough. I have to do something about it. I go back to match.com with the intent of setting up a profile. As in, an official profile, not the fantastic one I had been writing off and on in my head for a few days. Although I didn’t know what exactly I would write I knew I needed to just get started. With trepidation I make it to the sign up screen. This is a HUGE step for me and I think long and hard about an appropriate username. What sounds like something fun but not like a party animal type of name, but also something serious and not too dumb?
- There are so many things I’d like to say but that would take me all day. I wonder where to start. I better just say what’s in my heart. The one thing I know is true is that we can be best of friends, me and you.
Apparently the one I finally came up with was a little too perfect b/c someone else already had it. *gives match.com the bird*
IT WAS REJECTED.
However, match.com being a helpful little buggar suggested that I might like to try this one:
**Note, this is nothing like my
super original, well thought out, come on and date me already, screen name. Also, are there really 4,282 other LumpyLays??
Needless to say, I still don’t have a profile up and match.com is an asshole that never wants me to have sex again.
LumpyLay (is that better than “I die a million times for your comments and your shares?”)